Limefizz.org V.45 [splash.into.summer]

May 12th, 2008

the pillows - Wake up! dodo

I believe in equal rights. I have made this statement, but how far am I willing to take this claim? For me, it begins with the equality between men and women. It seems that women have been viewed as the weaker of the two sexes for eons, but I cannot help but think we are not so different. Women have, from what I am able to understand and without having done extensive research, been made week as a result of society. I don’t know this for certain, however women are capable of matching men in wits and in physical ability. I say that they are capable, the average may tell you otherwise. Unfortunately, the concept of the “weak woman” caused men to shield women from psychological and physical strain. It is no wonder women fell into hysterics over the slightest bit of excitement–they were taught that everything was fine when it was not. You may say that women are undoubtedly less powerful than men physically, but I cannot help but wonder if woman’s physical weakness is noting more than the result of generation after generation of women who were not trained, nor expected to train themselves physically. It’s no wonder women are physically weaker than men–it seems as though they have have been bred that way. I cannot deny the weakness of women, though I also cannot help but think women are to blame for their own weakness. I cannot know. Of course, men and women each possess their own weakness, be it mental or physical.

As a woman, I cannot help but be concerned about the rights of women because the rights of men are often favored. But please do not misunderstand me when I say “the rights of women”. I am not saying that women deserve more rights than men because women are the superior gender. When I said “I believe in equal rights” the operative word is “equal”. Equality and balance are the keys to most things, but that is not the topic of conversation at the moment. What is important though is that I am looking to have equal rights among men and women rater than more rights for women.

Men or women, given the proper education (unfortunately, I don’t know the method in which one “properly” educates a person, but I do know what the result is despite being unable to describe the process in which we achieve a “properly educated” person) , are capable of any kind of mental capacity. Bother are capable of running a country or being any other kind of leader, of dealing with politics, management, science, accounting, medicine, aircraft piloting, construction, architecture, preaching, capable of pre-meditated murder, scandal, deception, forgery and so on. Stereotypically, positions of power ave been held by men, but there is no proof tat women are not capable of the same. Women running countries or religious institutions or beating a man at sports or debating may seem strange, but if women are given the chance they are likely able to produce similarly favorable (or unfavorable as the case may be) results.

This is not to say that men are incapable of such activities. They have proven to us time and again that men can make extremely good leaders (which is not to say that there haven’t been any incapable male leaders either). Unfortunately for men, they have been given the misfortune of bearing all the weight of the world during times of crises. They also have, historically, dismissed housework and such as “woman’s work” when they too are capable of such work. Though they may be accused of being effeminate for practicing such things, such accusations are unfounded. Women have a reputation for being weepy and emotional whereas men are “meant” to be the solid ground in times of emotional crises. I think that it is entirely acceptable for men to cry or suffer emotional strain outwardly, and in return for women to act as the rock. If someone tells a young boy “you mustn’t cry because you are a boy,” have you really given the boy a reason not to cry?

What reason are we given for our behavior? Has it come to us naturally, or have we been socialized to think this way? And wherein lies the problem of men cooking, baking, cleaning, sewing, ironing, baking, dancing, flower arranging, or raising children? Men and women are equally capable of carrying out each kind of task. It is true that women are the only gender which is able to bear and birth children, but this is a matter of nature. This is one of the few facts that separate men from women and as far as nature goes, tere is nothing that can be done about it (in science, however, that is another story). Regardless, there is no reason for men to be suspected of homosexuality on account of their career or pass-times nor is there any reason for women to be taken lightly when pursuing a career or pass-time that has been historically male-dominated. This type of thinking, it would seem to me, is a result of one person’s view that has influenced society into a particular shape and continues to influence people today. Both genders are capable of anything, mentally or physically, the only visible drawback seems to be the socialization of people.

There are many different KINDS of people: good, bad, kind, vicious, merciful, cruel, and so on, but both such types of people can be found among both genders. What I am arguing is not what behavior is typical of what gender and so on. I simply wish to point out that both genders are capable of anything but that people are unnecessarily held back by social strains. Equal opportunity should always be offered to both genders, though it has often not been given in the past. Times are changing, and it seems to be in favor of that which I have spoken of. I am not saying that equality between the sexes is correct or even necessary. My only concern is that men or women may be denied opportunities where humankind may be missing out on something great. If a country seeks a leader, I don’t believe that the country should be denied any worthy potential candidates. But if an election is limited to only men or only women, you may be denying a country of a suitable leader due to an unfounded bias. Of course, this isn’t simply about denying a country of a leader, it’s denying all of humankind of anything great (and by “great” i do not necessarily mean “good”).

Tori obeyed the radioactive lemons @ 6:28 AM | 2 limes

Recently at Kokugakuin University （國學院大學） I have become increasingly interested in my literature class. My major in Canada is, after all, Literature (though that is soon to change).

We have been studying translations of Japanese literature, which I have not read before nor do I have the skill to read in its original form. I find myself again wondering if someday my petty writing will be praised as art and immortalized, dooming future literature majors to study the deeper meaning and symbolism in my so-called “works”.

I’m not really sure why I write, but I do know that it is definitely it is definitely not my career of choice. I write mostly because I enjoy it. I hate to admit it, but I also enjoy being praised for my work… but I suppose that it is natural to feel that way. In my case, I suppose it stems from my fantasy of someday being recognized as a famous writer. But I digress.

Recently we have been looking at the works of Mori Ogai and of Natusme Soseki and looking at how their lives were somehow related and what they were influenced by. Both writers spent time studying abroad (Ogai in Germany, Soseki in England). I can’t help but wonder how my experience in Japan, in Tokyo, will shape my future. There are good and bad things about Japan, but that is the same as any other place.

A part of me wants to believe that Japanese society is twisted and that the west is “correct”, but the skeptic in me forces myself to look for “why?”. Of course, I dislike Japan’s xenophobia and I resent the equality between men and women… I suppose it’s that I believe that balance is the key to everything, and for me Japanese society is lopsided. The way of living isn’t wrong, but it seems unpleasant to me.

I have tried to find flaws in this aspect of Canadian society and seemingly have found none, but perhaps that is because I am a part of Canadian society. I must interrogate the Japanese and see what they think of Canadian society. Perhaps they find it as twisted as I find Japanese society to be at times. Of course, it is still really too early to make any claims. I will have most of my life to opine about Japanese society. It’s just one of those topics we so-called “foreigners” or “gaijin” (外人） can’t seem to get enough of. Mostly because we do not belong to Japanese society and are repeatedly denied entry. 仕方ない。

Relationships between people (platonic or otherwise) are like sending a boat down a river. Maybe I will be shipwrecked and drowned, maybe the ride will soon come to an end (or maybe not) and I will continue my merry way down some other stream. Or maybe I will happily drift along the river forever. Whatever happens, I’m building this goddamn raft and I’m setting it afloat. I don’t know anything about making boats, but I’m willing to risk the chance of getting wet. I’m willing to dive blindly and wait to see where the current takes me.

In my heart lives an elderly hippie with long hair, colourful shawls, pink tinted classes, and a smoky aura of incense. “Just go with the flow, let it be. Whatever will be, will be. You have no control, forget you thought you had any. It’s out of your hands. Let nature run it’s course and God his will be done” says he or she.

I invest 10$ into my friendship with you and have gained more than I expected. At least 5x more. I suppose that makes our friendship worth about 50$. But we are about to enter a new era, outside of friendship where I (or we, I suppose) cannot look back. If I cross that boundary, I must gamble my whole 50$ and risk losing it all: every bit of friendship I’ve earned. There is also the change that I will double my money and come out even richer than before. But which is it? Should I back out now with my 50$ and leave it at that, or risk it all and let the chips fall where they may? I’m gonna roll those dice, baby.

What is it about a rainy day that keeps on in one’s bed (or futon, as the case may be)?

Is it that that change in air pressure makes it (honestly and truly) physically more labourious to lift your body into a more vertically oriented disposition? Or perhaps the minds eye opens with the rising of the sun, and, on rainy days, it being that the risen sun is difficult to perceive unconsciously, the rising sun goes unnoticed, thereby leaving the person to sleep?

Whatever the case, it is difficult to wake on such days as these. It is as though the rain has somehow trickled into our veins, thinning our blood, and causing us to be consistently faint or lightheaded–in which case the moist obvious remedy would be to lie down and, of course, sleep it off).

A Haiku Moment

Rain on the rooftop
My laundry is still outside
I wonder “why me?”

*sob*

What does it mean to be free? What does it feel like?

Maybe it feels lonely. Those worthy of freedom seem all to be prisoners of another or of themselves. Others are probably totally oblivious to their freedom. Lovely.

To become un-free is to imprison yourself, is it not? It would seem that a caged bird ought to be free, and that a free bird is so beautiful that we can’t help but want to cage it. Perhaps I am but a free bird that wishes to be caged together with another… but that is somehow incomplete.

There must be a balance between free and slave. Is one way black and the other white? Might I not mix the two and live in the gray? Or must I settle with black or white and long forever for the other?

Perhaps the bird is never free, but simply released into a larger cage.

***

Remind me that I’m alive.
When I breathe, I want to feel it.
Make me aware of every sense
and push me to the limit.

I only live once,
and the time is NOW.
I don’t know when it will end,
but find me fore time runs out.

***

I haunt the trains
you sense me
but look right past me.

I’ve not yet died,
remind me I haven’t
Just a glance, a smile.

I want to feel alive,
if only for a moment.

Shibuya 渋谷
I wait for you in the city lights
by the canine sentinel
watching faceless people
rake each other across the city streets.

A homeless man approaches me
and speaks to me in my mother tongue.
“Where have you come from?” he asks me
and I tell him.

He tells me that I smell of Winnipeg,
that I have the eyes of a scholar,
and that he has only haikus to offer:

“Be meek, wild flower
Unseen, yet always smiling
Always be yourself,” he reads.

He looks at me as though I am a flower
and I am smiling when you arrive.

First few days of University are going fine. We only have school Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. This past Monday, however, was a holiday for the Autumnal Equinox so I didn’t have school then. Tuesday we all took a placement test to see if we would be in the basic or advanced class. Judging by how good the Taiwanese students were, I assumed I would be in the lower class and was correct to assume so. Today we had the first language classes separately (advanced class has 3 students, basic class has 5) and it was actually quite fun. Our Japanese language classes are Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday from 9am-12:10… three hours of language four times a week. Our Sensei is really funny, especially because Miko is really funny XD Miko really keeps everyone laughing, she’s great. But I digress, our first separated language classes were today and I found it pretty easy… it was mostly review for me… but I still had to think about how to get an answer before I got it… like it wasn’t automatic. Eli is lucky in that she can choose if she would like to be in the Basic or Advanced class, so she’s trying one this week and one next week. At the moment, she would definitely be at the top of our class.

The weather is starting to cool off a bit. The wind is cooler but the sun is hot hot hot. I’ve started to take a few pictures so Facebook me if you want to see them. I may post them on iw00t.com as well depending on my laziness.

Today (Saturday) was an unusual circumstance, I had to be at school to register for courses and open a Japanese bank account. Tyler is going to have some difficulty because he’s not 20 yet, so he has to open a bank account in person at a different bank. Everyone else just had to fill out a form and mail it, then the bank mails us a bank card. Kind of nice I think. Classes start officially on Tuesday. The Taiwanese students are stronger in Japanese than in English, so they’re kind of scaring the rest of us.

On my birthday Tyler and I met Yukiko in Shibuya. I don’t have any pictures to show you since I haven’t figured out how to get them off my phone yet… hmm. It’s huge though, tons of people everywhere. We bought our cell phones that day, went for dinner at Saizeria (a super crazy cheap italian restaurant… a personal pizza is about 4$) and then we went to Karaoke for an hour. It was really nice.

My address is:
New Villa Paradiso
4-22-8-206 Utsukushigaoka
Aoba-ku Yokohama 225-0002

So I suppose you can mail me things if you want :P

I don’t really need anything here at the moment… it’s really unbearably hot some days. The days when it’s cloudy it’s not so bad. It’s usually much colder by now, but at the moment it’s still around 30 and humid. Rawr. I really miss sour cream. You can get it here but the only size they have is about the size of a yogurt container… and it’s thick like cement. To be honest, it really makes not too bad dip. Almost the same, just awkward to dip with since the opening isn’t so wide as Canadian sour cream. I finally found a decent amount of cheese at a good price, so I’m happy about that. I made the Chicken Wrap thing with rice and it was really good! I still have some left over so I’ll have it for dinner tonight. If I can find everything, I’ll make hamburger goulash next. The problem isn’t really finding ingredients, it’s knowing where to find them and what to call them.

So… classes start Tuesday. There are extra language classes you can take at a place called “Aoba Lounge” about 190 yen train away (each way) so Tyler, Eli (the Spanish student), Miko (the Malasian student) and I are thinking of taking them since the classes themselves are only 300 yen per month. Really reasonable. I’m also applying for a Friendship family, which is basically a Japanese family I can meet with on a monthly or bi-monthly basis to see what ordinary Japanese life and meals and things are like on the weekends. It’s free and it really sounds like a good idea. I’m also hoping to get a language partner, but I want to wait until I can string together a much more coherent Japanese sentence. Yesterday we met with some students to fill out some papers and such (Tyler and I did it already, but we had to apply for medical insurance and such) and we were all paired up with Japanese students and it was really difficult to communicate… wasn’t too bad though! They understood the gist anyway.

Everyone is also going to go on something called “International Bus Hike” where we go away for the first weekend in October (one night over night) to see the nice autumn leaves and go to a hot spring and such for 2800 yen. Not bad I think :) It includes accommodation, bus fare, and 2 meals each day… so I’ll need some cash otherwise, but at the moment my funds are totally fine. I really think I have more than enough to live comfortably.

At the moment I’m having trouble being sure of how long certain food will keep, so I often go to the grocery store every day X_x I’ll work something out. I really hate that they typically don’t refrigerate their eggs… blech.

We have been really busy! We met with Yukiko and she made us walk all day everywhere XD I’m STILL sore. We saw most of the Kokugakuin Campus and managed to get a tour of Tyler’s residence (and I’m a little jealous… but I don’t have to share my room with someone bwaha). We also went to go get our foreign persons card… we have to go pick them up in about 2 weeks, so we’ll probably go pick them up when the rest of the students get here to do their own (we picked up forms for them). We also went to a TGIFriday’s for dinner… and I’m not going to lie, I’m definitely going back XD It’s nice to have familiar food. After we went to a 100yen store (a dollar store) so that I could finally get some things… like a garbage can/laundry basket/shower basket/air freshener/detergent/pens/some booklets etc. Really happy to have those things now.

Yesterday was more of a lazy day. We took to subway or train (they both kind of look the same to me… so I’m not sure which we traveled on… it was the Green line anyway) from Tama-plaza (the station nearest to us) to Shibuya. And holy crap, is Shibuya HUGE. We went to this massive electronics store that was about 9 stories high, each floor specializing in a different kind of electronic. The first floor was mostly cell phones, so we spent time there. It will probably be around 30$/month for a cell phone here which is quite reasonable. The phones are totally crazy. You should see them, they totally kick the iPhone’s ass right now. I think Dad would really like them. The phones Tyler and I were looking at are awesome. Tyler’s phone has a that is a 5.1 megapixel camera (which is better than my own camera, 4.0), my phone was just 2.0 but I have my own camera so having a camera isn’t as important to me. They also are regular cell phones, don’t use text messaging but EMAIL, have a GPS device for if you’re lost or someone needs to find you, has a Kanji recognition program to read japanese we don’t understand, can have the menu’s in English, are waterproof (which is good as it rains quite a bit), AND can be used as a suica…. Suica is a kind of card that you put money on (not really like a debit card, but people are slowly converting it into one). Originally Suica was for JR trains only, but now they can be used for any train, subway, bus, even most stores (which is great because you can pay bills at convenience stores, so you just load up your card when you’re at the station next, then empty it at the next store you pay your bill at). Suica is really convenient for transportation too… instead of buying a specific ticket from point A to point B you can just swipe it (not like with a stripe, but just like a key-card to get into some buildings) and then it remembers your start point, and you just swipe it again when you get off wherever you want and it deducts the amount you used. Neat, isn’t it? So Tyler’s phone was about 80$ on top of the plan, mine was like 1cent since I have a nice camera already and got a simpler one. Unfortunately we don’t have them yet, but we will probably get them today.

I paid my first month’s rent yesterday, but I didn’t have to pay for the entire month… just the days that I’ve been here! So I have a bit extra money than I thought that I would. I bought a fan yesterday because it’s freakin’ hot for about 30$, and a rice cooker for about 65$ (the same one Hisae has). I also got a cute shopping cart trolly thing (kind of like that awful blue and grey thing mom used to have, but cuter). It’s green with a flower pattern on a pocket at the front and can fold into a tiny little carrying case. It’s nice, I carried my rice cooker home that way. Only thing I don’t like much about it is that the back isn’t rigid so I keep hitting myself in the calves and ankles with it when I drag it behind me… I’ll find a good system I’m sure.

Today we’re probably going to go back to Shibuya for my birthday :D We’ll go pick up our cell phones and maybe look at Kanji dictionaries (I’m not sure how convenient the one in my phone will be). And then go to some stores like Loft (one of my favourite stationary and bedding stores) as well as Karaoke and someplace for dinner. Woo!

And so it begins!

Tomorrow morning I’m leaving for the K-STEP program at Kokugakuin University in Japan! How crazy and exciting is that? I’m going to see what I can do about keeping up this blog so that I can record my escapades in the land of the rising sun. My bags are packed, I’m ready to go. My flight leaves tomorrow morning at 7:05 am, but I’m going for breakfast with my family at the Salisbury House before at 3:30 am O_< Wild, I know.

Unfortunately I seem to have caught a bit of a cold ;_; but hopefully I will recover soon. I’ve gargled more Listerine than I’d care to admit and had some vitamins and orange juice and warm baths and tea. If that doesn’t do it, I don’t know what will. Maybe some orange juice.

For all those who text or call my cell phone, it’s no good after midnight tonight. Keep emailing me and commenting here! And yes, I KNOW MY CONTACT FORMS ARE BROKEN. It’s on my to-do list. Until next we meet, ja mata~

Topic: Canadian Spring

Tiny flowers bursting into bloom
white and purple petals
in bundles on every bush.
Lilacs and honeysuckle
on the breeze
the sweet and gentle scent
of spring in a little big town.

After the greenery reappears
as green as it has ever been
misty rain curtains everything
and heads remain uncovered
except for mine.

Straight hair curls in
the damp air
and green canker worms
dangle precariously from
every tree like
misplaced Christmas ornaments
as if we hadn’t had a
long enough winter.

Soon the flowers will burn in the sun
and summer will begin.

Topic: Growth

No matter what we are, we go from small to large very quickly and then we remain large for quite awhile, much longer than we remain small anyway. Every second it seems we have grown out of our clothes and shoes and then suddenly your favourite dress from when you were six is fit for nothing but an over-sized doll. Now, that favourite dress from graduation can last thirty years if your body can keep itself fit. The body can grow thin or heavy from illness but particularly heavy if not cared for. Regardless, the human body from age 0-16 grows a larger at an alarming rate, then from there on stabilizes and remains relatively constant.

A tree is similar. A seed begins as tiny as a pinprick, as we do, but it explodes into life and reaches out into the sky. They try to move up and up, getting taller and taller, just like us, until things stabilize. Once trees get to a certain size it’s hard to tell they’ve grown without comparing it to a past photograph. Similarly, at a point it becomes difficult to guess a persons’ age. A high school student could be mistaken for a professor and vice versa. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be mistaken for a 3000 year old tree? Hopefully I’ll at least be as dignified. And hopefully I’ll be able to stand as tall and as straight.

Topic: Sunny Days

Sweep the clouds away, Rah,
I need your light
your warmth
Share it with all the world.

Toast us golden brown
so that we make
a delicious light snack
–for cancer.

Put up a sunshade.
Block out the light.
I’m only happy when it rains.
Quick.

Topic: Physical Touch

Take me by the hand
and lead me to the floor
turn down all the lights
but leave me wanting more
Pull me close. Breathe in my ear.
Watch the world around you
disappear.

Softly touch my hair and
tangle your lashes with mine
chase my heartbeat with yours
and keep a memory of this time.

The time when you were young,
the time when you were lush,
the time that time slowed down
and decided not to rush.

Where breath and sweat begin to
mingle with bubbles and song,
Where bodies bend however
they please and can do no wrong.

Kiss me once to seal the moment.
(I’d like to have it forever).
A dance is a dance
and we dance for the night.
But a kiss is a kiss and
a kiss is goodbye.

Topic: Coffee Shops

Hold the door, sir
Third floor, Mr. Operator
*ding* “Third floor”
so I step out the door.
“The usual”
Not today, Dan
Just a can
of something popular.

I sit by the window
with the poplar outside
I tried to be patient
buy I couldn’t be.

“Here’s your tea” said Dan
I thanked the man
and sippped on canned tea
in the window
with the poplar tree.

I wished it were a cherry one.
I’m done.
Wish I’d had my usual
chai latte
at elevator cafe.

Topic: Lost Causes

Futility
Fitted bedsheets cannot be folded,
and dirt on a floor
cannot be lifted via dustpan.

These are life’s asymptotes–
we will always make progress
and get infinitely closer to perfection
but never reach it.

しかったがない
There’s nothing that can be done.
We can always try,
but they are always out of reach.

Too much has happened to explain. I’m trying to write again. Today’s topic: Mistaken Identity.

Invisible Tea
I once sipped invisible tea
from unwanted china
and wore a hat
much too large.
I miss those days
and my silent guests
whom no one understood,
save me.

On occassion I catch
a glimpse of those days.
The past comes back
to haunt (or comfort) me.

She is telling me that
I remind her of someone
she used to know.
“Ashley?” she asks me,
but I am not Ashley.

There is no crack
through which I can
breathe in the past.
The teacup is empty–
it always had been.

Cold is getting better — hurrah! Today I got to sleep in a little bit, I even had time to shower before I went to school. After dropping off Robin to his lab, Tyler and I went to the bank to make another deposit for the Swing Dance club and fill his car with gas.

American Literature was about the same. Meeting with Yukiko was also good, I helped Yukiko write a complaint letter to Aramark. Aramark is the food provider at Pembina Hall, the eaterie in Tache Residence. There was a problem with their machine and it screwd up the number of meals people got, they didn’t tell any one that it happened or how to fix it, and to fix it people had to go down to the Aramark office personally and the staff didn’t apologize. Jerks. I hope they get their comeuppance!

Shakespeare was also good, spoke with Heather for a little bit about travelling and such. She’s been all around the world so it was interesting for me :D. Spent the afternoon playing Settlers (which was fantastic, though I never won) and then headed to The Forks to skate on the river! I’ve never gone to skate on the river before, but I think it must be because I live close to 5 different skating rinks. Hmm. Anyway, Patrick, Adam, Tyler, Robin, Hisae, and myself all did a bit of skating and then snacked at Branigans afterwards. Hisae has only skated twice before this, but she did really well! I had tons of fun ^^ I hope we can go again!