Limefizz.org V.45 [splash.into.summer]

You Know You're Canadian When...
Okay, those from other nationalities that may be offended by this, please don't be. Especially you Americans ^.~! I have plenty of American friends... even Australian friends. They seem to find this as humerous as I do! Some of them even want to know if it's true or not (hey if you do, go an e-mail me about it!)

1. You stand in "line-ups" at movies, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the sentance, "Could you please pas me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine on the chesterfield". (For those of you who don't know, a serviette is a napkin, a poutine is fries with gravy and cheese, and a chesterfield is a couch).
4. You eat chocolate bars, instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on a pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh?!"
8. You can drink legally while still a teen.
9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans (I have alot of American friends, I have nothing against them!! I already said that but ya know...).
11. When there is a social problem, you turn to the government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
12. You get milk in bags, as well as cartons and plastic jugs. (Who doesn't???)
13. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway. (I caught one once!)
14. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
15. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
16. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
17. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
18. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
19. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly"
20. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable line (Green Giant is, Friendly Giant was a TV show about a giant that played the flute...)
21. You participated in "Participaction"
22. You have an Inuit carving by your beside with the rationale "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
23. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin (Sad thing is, I do).
24. Like any international assasion/terrorist in the world, you possess a Canadian passport.
25. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's' in labor, honor and color.
26. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive bilingual cereal packaging (It helps that i'm in French Immersion).
27. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada (It's true! Who Wants to be a Millionare scared me...)
28. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
29. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Brams "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-do" (I have since forever!!)
30. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous (5 to be exact)
31. You know what a tuque is (it's a winter hat with a pom-pom on the end at times)
32. You know Toronto is not a province (whoever does needs a geography lesson...)
33. You know Toronto is not the capital of Canada (Ottawa is)
34. You never miss "Coach's Cormer".
35. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favirte food groups.
36. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion, Michael J. Fox, William Shatner, Tom Green, Matthew Perry, Mike Myers, Neve Campbell, Pamela Anderson Lee and many more are Canadians.
37. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian.
38. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
39. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" except when singing the song.
40. Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
41. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
42. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, its a warm day.
43. You understand the Labatt Blue commericals (outta the blue ^^)
44. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan"
45. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada"
46. You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
47. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than "Huh?"

Some cool thinks about Canada:
1. Crispy Crunch.
2. Smarties.
3. The size of Canadian footballs, football fields, and one less down.
4. The fact that the new "world cup" trophy is too pathetic for words when compared to the old Canada Cup trophy.
5. Lacrosse is Canadian.
6. Hockey is Canadian.
7. Basketball is Canadian (Believe it or don't).
8. The biggest flags ever seen at the Olympic closing ceremonies were Canadian (twice.. and the second one was smuggled in against a rule that was made because of the first one).
9. Mr. Dressup could kick Mr. Roger's butt.
10. Way better beer commercials.
11. Maple syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworths butt (not sure about Aunt Jemima).
12. Much Music kicks MTV's butt.
13. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donut's butt.
14. In the war of 1812, we burned the White house and most of Washington.
15. Canada has the largest French population in the world that never surrendured to Germany.
16. Our "Civil War" was lead by drunken, insane William Lyon MacKenzie.
17. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little less than an hour.
18. The only person arrested and hanged after our civil war was an American mercenary who slept in and missed the whole fight, showing up just in time to get caught.
19. We knew plaid flannel was cool WAY before Seattle did.
20. The Hudson Bay company once owned 1/11 of the Earth's surface.
21. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a grown human in less than three minutes.
22. We don't have much of a taste for powdered bear testicles, but we know who does, and we're willing to sell them.
23. We still don't know what to do will all the parts of a buffalo.
24. We don't marry our kinfolk.
25. We invented snowmobiles, jet skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, insulin, penicillin, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year and the handles on carboard beer cases.
27. We know that any scale that says water boils at 212 and freezes at 32 is asinine.
28. We've all frozen our toungues to something metal, and lived to tell about it (Actually, I haven't but it was close!)
29. We wear socks with our sandals (not really that stylish, but it works!)
30. We can out drink Americans.
31. Our elections only take one day
32. the handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on

From Winnipeg?
Okay okay, so you know you're canadian right? Well what about Winnipeg? Heh heh the saddest thing about this is they're all true *sigh*

1. "Vacation" means going to Brandon for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You use a down comforter in the summer.
6. Your grandparents drive at 100 km/h through four meters of snow during a blizzard, without flinching.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
8. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled.
10. You know all four seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
11. You are bundled up in three sweaters, a parka, ski pants, a touque, two pairs of mittens, boots past your knees in 3 feet of snow in a -35 (-8000 with the windchill) blizzard, your eyelashes are frozen together, your nose is running, you can't feel your toes, and you still stop at 7 Eleven for a Slurpee on the way home. *ahh the truth comes out, and how true it is*
12. You freak out when you travel can't find any place selling Slurpees.

"Springtime in Manitoba"
When it's springtime in Manitoba
And the gentle breezes blow,
About seventy miles an hour
And it's fifty-two below.

You can tell you're in Manitoba
'cause the snow's up to your butt,
And you take a breath of springtime air
And your noseholes both freeze shut.

The weather here is wonderful,
So I guess I'll hang around,
I could never leave Manitoba
My feet are frozen to the ground.

Back>>